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Q&A with controversial businessman Kenny Kunene

Kenny Kunene.

Kenny Kunene-How much "Bling" is too much ?

My question is - how much “bling” is too much? Are African high rollers judged more harshly than, say, big-spending Russian oligarchs? Or is Vavi correct in saying that South Africa’s rich should be more circumspect with their wealth?

Posted by: CNN Correspondent, Robyn Curnow

KENNY KUNENE IN NEW YORK TIMES
Partying Amid Poverty Stirs South Africa DebateBy CELIA W. DUGGER
SANDTON, South Africa — Kenny Kunene, a former gangster turned businessman, gave what he called “the mother of all parties” for his 40th birthday. With his small paunch protruding from a white tuxedo and his eyes hidden behind Roberto Cavalli sunglasses, he ate sushi from the belly of a woman who was wearing nothing but black lingerie and high heels while hundreds of guests looked on.

As the revelers got tipsy on his liquor, he says he treated the most important among them — including Zizi Kodwa, President Jacob Zuma’s stylish spokesman, and Julius Malema, the rabble-rousing leader of the governing party’s youth wing — to $1,300 bottles of Dom Pérignon. Like the American rappers he emulates, Mr. Kunene himself swigged a bottle of Armand de Brignac Champagne that goes for more than $1,500 at his posh nightclub, ZAR, perched on the roof of a five-star hotel.

His October bash here in Sandton, a Johannesburg suburb often described as the wealthiest square mile in Africa, and another sushi-eating party that Mr. Kunene hosted recently in Cape Town, have turned him into a peculiarly South African sensation. His antics set off raucous bickering in the governing alliance about the conspicuous consumption of a politically networked black elite in a country where the majority of young blacks do not even have jobs.

Zwelinzima Vavi, leader of Cosatu, the powerful trade union federation allied with the governing African National Congress, accused Mr. Kunene of “spitting on the face of the poor” and declared that parties where people who have gotten rich in dubious ways flaunt their wealth “turn my stomach.”

Mr. Kunene, who says he supports the A.N.C.’s Youth League with his time and money, promptly retorted that his was “honest money spent on honest fun.” He describes his success as proof of the nation’s democracy, and he told Mr. Vavi, who is also black: “You remind me of what it felt like to live under apartheid. You are telling me, a black man, what I can and cannot do with my life.”

The Kunene story has crystallized a recurring question about life in post-apartheid South Africa: Is the accumulation and exhibition of such wealth a sign that blacks have finally arrived after an era when whites hogged the high life, or is it evidence of a moral decay undermining Nelson Mandela’s once great liberation movement?

“It raises in such wonderfully stark terms what freedom is and what one does with it,” said Jonny Steinberg, an author and one of the many newspaper columnists who commented on the events. “The idea that one uses it to get rich, and ostentatiously so, and that this is the most important dividend of freedom, is very powerful.”

In recent months, the spectacle of eating sushi from a woman’s body — perhaps familiar to Americans from Samantha’s escapades on “Sex and the City” — has been a source of both lurid fascination and ridicule here. A cartoon by the Mail & Guardian’s Zapiro, titled “The Last Sushi,” depicts a naked woman lying on a long table with well-known businessmen and politicians feasting on the fishy bits that decorate her curves.

That Mr. Kunene, a small-time player in South African politics, has vaulted onto the front pages underscores how salient the issue of economic inequality has become in South Africa, a country that by some estimates has the worst disparities of wealth in the world.

But the focus on Mr. Kunene, nicknamed the Sushi King by headline writers, is also a tribute to his obvious gifts for self-promotion and self-reinvention.

He was raised by his unemployed mother (an evangelical faith healer), his grandfather (a retired English teacher), and his grandmother (a midwife and the family’s only earner) in a black township outside of Odendaalsrus in what is now the Free State. The family could never afford to give him a birthday party, he said, and he always craved luxuries.

When he was a teenager during apartheid, he said he and his friends picked out the houses and cars in wealthy white areas they fantasized would one day be theirs. He dreamed of Porsches. “The objective was to overthrow the government and take everything that the white man had,” he said.

Like his grandfather, he became a high school English teacher. To earn extra money, he opened a small saloon, eavesdropped on gangsters and joined them, hijacking cars, robbing businesses and dreaming up ways to trick people out of their money, he said.

“My heart was not into armed robberies,” he said. “My heart was more into fraud because I’m a thinker.”

But he was caught and convicted in 1997 of helping run a Ponzi scheme. His case alone listed more than 1,900 victims, he said. He served six years in prison. After his release, he went into business with Gayton McKenzie, a bank robber he had befriended behind bars. They sold a book that Mr. McKenzie wrote about quitting a life of crime, and marketed Mr. McKenzie’s motivational speeches to schools and corporate groups.

They invested their earnings in a fish distribution business, Mr. Kunene said, and then started working as consultants to diamond and gold mining companies, helping manage testy relations with restive local communities and navigate the shoals of government regulation in a country governed by a black majority.

Last year, Mr. Kunene and Mr. McKenzie helped Gold Fields, a major gold producer, retain its mining rights to the South Deep mine southwest of Johannesburg, which the company describes as “one of the greatest undeveloped ore bodies in the world.”

“It’s a lot of political lobbying work,” explained Sven Lunsche, a Gold Fields spokesman.

At Mr. Kunene’s swanky apartment in Sandton, a snapshot of him with President Zuma is displayed in the living room. On his iPad, he flicked through photographs taken at his birthday party, showing pictures of him with the men he called “Zizi and Julius” — Mr. Zuma’s spokesman and the Youth League leader, Mr. Malema.

At the Cape Town party on Jan. 29, Mr. Malema was quoted as saying that Mr. Kunene’s club belonged to the A.N.C., but he later issued a statement insisting that he had said only that black people have a right to own a club in “predominantly white territory.”

Mr. Malema’s comments prompted Gwede Mantashe, the party’s secretary general, to starchily insist that the A.N.C. “is not into nightclubs or partying, but it is a revolutionary movement. We furthermore reiterate our condemnation to the act of serving sushi on a woman’s body.”

Kenny Kunene, Lil Kim and Fistaz Mixwell

Mr. Kunene this month bowed to his party’s wishes and foreswore sushi parties, but he could not resist noting that in South Africa, the rainbow nation, “I ate sushi off a black girl in Johannesburg. In Cape Town, I ate it off a white girl. I was intending to eat it off an Indian girl in Durban.”

Mr. Kunene has leapt into a life of fame and money, but often on Mondays he gets into one of his Porsches and makes the short drive to the poor and working-class township of Alexandra. “I don’t forget where I come from,” he said.

A happy and extravagant New Year

UK singer Cheryl Cole caused a buzz at tycoon Preston Haskell's New Year bash in Cape Town last year when she was spotted in public for the first time with squeeze Derek Hough
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SPLURGING millions on his New Year's Eve bash is nothing new for US billionaire Preston Haskell, who will again host the most exclusive party to ring in 2012 at his Fresnaye mansion in Cape Town.

Haskell has in the past hosted royals and A-list celebrities such as Princess Caroline of Monaco and her brother, Prince Albert, and Madonna and Elton John were also rumoured to have flown in to attend.

Last year his party made world headlines - it was the first time UK popstar Cheryl Cole was spotted in public with her then-boyfriend, Derek Hough.

So how will he top it this time round? Rumours have it that the property and mining magnate will fork out R12-million for a 1920s-style "Casino Haskell" theme.

Those lucky enough to get invited to the party - so sought after that organiser Sarah Cort is often offered thousands of rands for a ticket - have been promised an entertainment extravaganza with DJs from St Tropez and Greece.

Cape Town will also host the New Year's Eve Music Festival rave at the Cape Town International Convention Centre as well as a bash at the city's newest club, Bungalow . It opened last week and is owned by Chris Coutroulis, the owner of Sandton nightclub Taboo and husband of former Miss South Africa Vanessa Carreira.

Johannesburg nightclub owner Kenny Kunene has promised "fireworks" at his club, ZAR.

Kunene said he would have a display of "never-seen-before fireworks", whereas nearby Taboo will host its annual snow party.

East of Johannesburg, DJs Fresh and Euphonik will be at Nicci Beach at Wild Waters in Boksburg, where they will be joined by 25 other DJs on five dance floors.

In KwaZulu-Natal, a flood of international tourists and local holidaymakers booked suites, villas and grand ballrooms at some of Durban's five-star hotels and resorts.

Wayne Coetzee, general manager of the Oyster Box Hotel, said all three ballrooms - the Grillroom, Ocean Terrace and Pearl Room - were fully booked. Guests will fork out R1200 to eat fine food and have a good party.

Guests attending the New Year's Eve party at the Fairmont Zimbali Resort, on the KwaZulu-Natal north coast, have splashed out R1100 each for a feast of seafood and live entertainment at the "Miami White" party. - Additional reporting by Sunday Times reporters

Central Rand Gold reprieve rockets share price

DMR says no formal settlement yet.

JOHANNESBURG - Much beleaguered and controversial miner, Central Rand Gold (CRG) (JSE:CRD), said it had come to an agreement with the Department of Mineral Resources (DMR) to set aside its decision to cancel the company’s mining right.

The company’s share price rocketed upwards of 200% during the day on the news.

DMR spokesperson, Zingaphi Jakuja, said that there was “no formal settlement” and that “DMR lawyers and CRG lawyers are speaking and we cannot at this stage reveal further details.”

The final decision ratifying the agreement reached between the DMR and CRG is to be made on December 22 in the High Court by way of an unopposed consent order CRG said.

CRG said it will continue to discuss its social and labour development plans with the DMR in order to agree a plan that is more appropriate for CRG's revised mining plans.

Patrick Malaza, CFO of CRG, said its revised mine plan makes provision for a much smaller scale mine and expects production to increase from 1 500oz per month to approximately 6 to 7 000oz per month by 2013. The operations are currently producing around 1 000oz per month Malaza said.

The original mining right application assumed more than 50 000oz per month.

The DMR cancelled CRG’s mining right in September citing non-compliance to its social and labour plan, mining work programme and environmental management programme. This was subsequently suspended in October pending the finalisation of review proceedings allowing it to resume mining operations.

CRG committed to expenditure of R32.9m in the first two years of its social and labour plan (SLP) but only spent R18.8m citing lower staff numbers and unavailability of suitable land. The reduction it said was due to a change in mining plan concomitant with acid mine drainage issues.

Malaza said “Our reason for not fully complying with our SLP programme was because we were forced into a corner due to unrealised mine production. Our original plan foresaw production of 4.2moz over five to six years but this has not been the case as most of our resources are under water.”

Malaza said “the water was always there but we thought that a solution could be found”.

The situation worsened substantially in November 2008 when there was a fatality at another miner’s pump station and it was shut down. The effect has been that water levels have increased from 1 000m to 500m below surface Malaza said.

Malaza said a solution is expected by August next year as the pumps purchased to remove the water would take six to seven months to install. Malaza confirmed it has taken delivery of the pumps and is busy with a tender process to appoint someone by January or February to proceed with installation.

Godfrey Makunene, a director for the Federation for a Sustainable Environment (FSE), said that the potential setting aside of the cancellation of Central Rand Gold’s (CRG) mining right is not welcomed and would be a bad decision.

Makunene said “the interest of management is to misuse investors’ money for their own benefit” and “people have lost confidence from a community point of view.”

“The company has failed to honour their commitments and they come up with all sorts of plans that are unproductive” Makunene said.

CRG’s dotted history includes reports of excessive expenditure, bearish production forecasts, and associations with renowned sushi king Kenny Kunene and Gayton McKenzie. An ongoing dispute with its BEE shareholder (Puno Gold Investments (Pty) Ltd) and local community dissent are also part of the controversy surrounding the company.

The miner said last month that there was still no resolution to its dispute with Puno Gold and it had filed court papers. The dispute relates to funding provisions in terms of a shareholder agreement.

The filing seeks to discharge an interdict that prohibits CRG from calling on an option to acquire Puno's entire shareholding. Alternatively, CRG requested permission to proceed with arbitration.

If the application is unopposed, the hearing is expected to commence tomorrow.

Malaza said “We are waiting for confirmation but think they [Puno] have responded, in which case it won’t take place now but only in January or February next year.”

A vision betrayed

When Pixley ka Isaka Seme placed advertisements in African newspapers such as Tsala ea Becoana in late 1911, urging all “sections of our native people ... to send able representatives to that conference of the races” scheduled for January 8 1912 in Bloemfontein, he proposed the agenda for the gathering. It included the following:

Setting up the SA Native Congress ; writing a constitution for the new organisation; electing office bearers; installing elected officials to their positions; and taking a vote of confidence in Louis Botha, the prime minister of the Union of South Africa, and Henry Burton, the minister of native affairs. Part of the meeting was to be devoted to a general discussion. This would be followed by a concert and a farewell reception.

The topics for the general discussion were: “Native customs and usages , native marriages and divorce, native beer — is it a national beverage?, native schools and churches, the black and white peril, native lands and reserves, native courts civil and criminal, and native labour.”

It is not known how faithfully the 60- odd delegates who gathered in Bloemfontein that January to found an organisation we today know as the African National Congress (ANC) adhered to Seme’s proposed agenda. We do know, however, thanks to historian Andre Odendaal, that there was spirited debate among the delegates over the organisation’s original chosen name: South African Native National Congress (SANNC).

Sol Plaatje, editor of Tsala ea Becoana and one of four newspaper editors present at the conference, wanted a more African-sounding name, something that would have meaning in both the Nguni and Sotho language groups. Plaatje’s motion failed; the delegates voted to stick with the SANNC. The name was changed in 1925 to the ANC.

But expect more than the agenda to be different when the ANC celebrates its centenary in January as the oldest liberation movement in Africa, and then holds its 53rd annual conference in Bloemfontein, called Mangaung in Sotho, in December next year. For one, the ANC will meet in Mangaung as a ruling party, one that will have been in power for 18 years by then. Two, expect the profile of the organisation’s leadership and membership to be both different and much bigger: whereas the ANC had about 60 delegates (all African) at its founding, the Mangaung conference is likely to have more than 2000 delegates, a (very) small number of them white, Indian and coloured and many of them women.

More importantly, whereas the men who founded the ANC were colonial subjects and part of SA’s tiny but modern African elite, the men and women who will gather in Mangaung next year will all be modern citizens, bearers of rights that only a few of the ANC’s original founders enjoyed.

For example, one reason there were so few delegates at the ANC’s founding conference is that colonial officials made it difficult for Africans to travel. Speaking at a meeting with JW Sauer, the railways minister, shortly after the ANC’s establishment, Sefako Makgatho, the ANC’s first vice-president, complained about delegates who had been hurled off the train in Brandfort, in the Orange Free State, while en route to the Bloemfontein conference.

People like Makgatho, Seme and Plaatje were called in the official parlance of colonial SA “exempted natives” — meaning they did not have to live under such restrictions as, among others, the pass laws. As a (largely self)-educated and property-owning resident of Kimberley and citizen of the Cape Colony, Plaatje was among the few Africans who actually could vote in colonial SA .

So, Mangaung 2012 will mark a significant advance on Bloemfontein 1912. The conference next year will be testament to the ANC’s success as a political organisation.

That, however, is the positive side.

There is a negative side to Mangaung 2012.

When Seme called for the establishment of a national political organisation for Africans, he wanted Africans to slay the “demon of tribalism”. Seme said “the aberration of the Xhosa-Fingo feud, the animosity that exists between the Zulus and [the] Tonga, the Basothos and every other native must be buried and forgotten, it has shed among us sufficient blood. We are one people!”

Seme believed that lack of unity among Africans was making it impossible for them to speak with one voice when confronted with the depredations of the colonial state.

The ANC was not the first organisation founded by Africans in colonial SA to fight for their political rights. The Transvaal Native Congress and the Cape Native Congress, to give just two examples, were much older. But the ANC was the first national organisation to bring together Africans from around the country. It was the first organisation to try to speak with one voice about the concerns of Africans. If its early success is to be measured by whether it succeeded in slaying the demon of tribalism and forging African unity, the answer must be a guarded yes. The ANC survived years of colonial disdain and apartheid repression by speaking for Africans in particular and for freedom- loving South Africans in general. It was able to win power in 1994 as a truly national organisation — despite its general lack of support among white South Africans of all classes and, to some extent, working-class Indians and coloureds.

It could be argued, however, that, contrary to slaying the demon of tribalism, the ANC merely tamed it. One only has to listen to stories about tribal cliques in exile to know that the demon never really went away. There is certainly no doubt that since the beginning of President Jacob Zuma’s troubles with the law and with his predecessor Thabo Mbeki, it has made a forceful comeback inside the ANC. We saw it in Zuma’s “100% Zuluboy” campaign, where Zuma sought to portray his aborted and failed prosecution for corruption and rape as tribalist persecution, part of a conspiracy driven by dark forces to prevent a Zulu from becoming ANC and SA president.

The return of the demon was definitely confirmed in 2009 when, in Zuma’s first election campaign as ANC president, the party lost votes in every province except KwaZulu Natal. The 100% Zuluboy slogan scooped up the Zulu vote in his home province, largely at the expense of the hapless Inkatha Freedom Party (IFP), previously the cultural and political home of conservative Zulu nationalism. The ANC’s decimation of the IFP helped the ruling party hide the fact that only a substantial Zulu vote had allowed it to keep up its national share of the vote. The ANC under Zuma has in fact become a more Zulu party, if by that we understand nothing more and nothing less than that Zuma’s ANC has increased its share of the vote of people who identify themselves as Zulu while dropping support from those who do not .

What happens, then, when the ANC elects a non-Zulu as its next president? What is going to happen to the Zulu vote that flocked to the ANC in 2009 for no good reason except that Zuma was 100% Zulu and a homeboy? Where are those votes going to go? Will they go back to the IFP or, worse, will they find an outlet in KwaZulu Natal’s secessionist streams, which have always been stronger than those in other parts of the country?

This, in short, is the challenge that confronts the ANC. But it is by no means the only one. Led by a president with no obvious interest in ideas or their power (despite his years in the leadership of the SA Communist Party — the supposed party of ideas) the ANC is today an organisation bereft of them. It is a party without collective imagination. How different that is to the ANC in its early years.

The men who founded the ANC were not angels. Neither were they democrats in the full sense in which we would understand and use the term today. They were colonial elites who believed in a qualified franchise. They took for granted the imperial claim that Africa was a land of darkness and that Africans were at least 2000 years below Europeans on the ladder of civilisation. They adhered fervently to the so-called civilising mission of the imperial and colonial enterprise. Above all, they were loyal subjects of the British Crown.

But they were men of ideas. They respected knowledge and fought for the education of Africans. Through their campaigns for the extension of the qualified franchise, the education of Africans and against segregation, they were able to shame the imperial government and the colonial state.

This does not mean they succeeded in their campaigns. Despite sending numerous deputations to London, for example, to plead with the imperial government on behalf of Africans, they did not succeed. But they were able to hold the British up to their much-vaunted belief in fairness. They were able to show up the hypocrisy of the colonial enterprise. They did this by presenting their own ideas, by asking why it was, for example, that the British were failing to live up to the claims of the civilising mission, which had promised acceptance into the colonial political order of any African who could show, by means of education and industry, improvement and civilisation.

These men were the forefathers of the ANC activists who proclaimed in 1955 that SA belonged to all who lived in it, black and white, and that no government could claim legitimacy unless it was founded on the will of the people.

It is easy to forget, 17 years since SA became a democracy, just what a radical claim that was at the time. It was radical precisely because it offered a vision of the future vastly different from that offered by successive apartheid governments and the colonial state before them. That inclusive vision of the future sustained the anti-apartheid movement and helped give the ANC and the freedom movement in general the moral victory it scored so decisively . Remember that a moral victory against apartheid was the only victory available to the ANC and its allies, none of which had the military means to take on the SA Defence Force.

The moral capital that accrued from the ANC’s righteous fight has been frittered away in corruption scandal after corruption scandal, and in a bitter, low- intensity civil war in the ANC .

The ANC may argue that, far from being without ideas, it has produced a slew of them: RDP (the reconstruction and development programme), Gear (growth, employment and redistribution), Asgisa (the accelerated and shared growth initiative for SA), cadre deployment, transformation, the national development plan, the new growth plan, and so forth. The only trouble with these plans is that they have what in township Zulu we might call a bamba-yeka — clutching-at-straws — quality about them. Compressed into an alphabet soup, these ideas read more like recipes that are constantly being changed, all because the kitchen staff does not know if it is coming or going (the chef, Zuma, is Awol). SA deserves better than this.

Come January, there will be birthday parties galore all right — many involving the corrupt use of public funds. Some of these celebrations will be tacky affairs organised no doubt by the likes of sushi king Kenny Kunene, a convicted and celebrated criminal (at least within certain circles) who helped organise the wedding of one of Zuma’s daughters not so long ago. Kunene’s qualification for the job ? None other than that he can do tacky like no one else among the class of tenderpreneurs whose ostentatious display of easy wealth and conspicuous consumption have come to stand, sadly, for black success in Zumaland.

Will next year’s celebrations of the ANC’s centenary be the beginning of the end of the ANC? Seme and his colleagues founded the ANC because they could imagine a better world, albeit one in which there was justice for all with certain qualifications. This vision was enriched and broadened from the 1940s onwards. It would be too easy to resort to cliché at this point and claim that Seme and Plaatje must be turning in their graves. Easier still is to point out that Zuma is presiding over an ANC with neither imagination nor ability to think of a better world. That is the greatest betrayal of them all.

Jacob Dlamini

A box of treats

December 15 2011 at 09:39am
By Debashine Thangevelo and Munyaradzi Vomo
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DRAMA

It’s so hard to say goodbye… to the Walker family, but we did. After five fantastic seasons of Brothers and Sisters, we couldn’t help but be completely immersed in the family and relationship woes of the tight- knit family from Pasadena, with Nora (Sally Field) being the glue as the meddlesome, albeit endear-ingly so, mother. With a stellar cast of Rachel Griffiths, Calista Flockhart, Rob Lowe and Patricia Wettig, among others, delivering such sterling performances in what was arguably one of the most engagingly pertinent family dramas of our time, it was difficult for fans to let go.

This show should have come with a defibrillator… as the intense plots of Grey’s Anatomy certainly left aficionados strug-gling to breathe. One of the most-talked about episodes was centred on a heavily pregnant Callie after her car accident. The Glee-twist struck a chord with viewers. Although the drama, at times, bore the stamp of a soap, it was a captivating seventh season. By the way, season eight airs on M-Net on January 16. And, just so you know, Patrick Dempsey isn’t leaving the show – he was apparently misquoted.

Fighting the good fight… is veteran actress Kathy Bates as criminal defence lawyer Harriet “Harry” Korn in Harry’s Law. After being fired from her top-level post, Harry, operating from a rundown shoe store, offers legal help to a needy community in Cincinnati. Bates’ trademark chutzpah bolsters the appeal of this show. The script is razor-sharp, with character quirks thrown in for good measure.

While on the subject, the fourth instalment of Damages, with Glenn Close as Patty Hewes, was lapped up by TV buffs because of the underlying elements of danger and deception, combined with the high-stakes as Patty goes all out to take down some of the most influential figures in the US.

Making history… were The Borgias and Game of Thrones. The former, spearheaded by Jeremy Irons as Pope Alexander V1, was lapped up by viewers. The story documents his rise to power, with the help of his family, and is imbued with sex, bribery, backstabbing and an ambition that borders on destructive.

Meanwhile, the first season of Game of Thrones boosted audience ratings. This medieval fantasy drama was addictive. Featuring a captivating cast, the story, set in the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros, follows the power struggle for the throne. The pervading debauchery intertwined with incestuous affairs and homosexuality proved too titillating to miss. Now we anxiously await the follow-up series.

Down and out… and utterly Shameless about it! That’s William H Macy in his new role as Frank Gallagher, who is in a constant drunken stupor and leaves his six children to care for themselves… and him.

While this show debuts on the small screen on Tuesday, it has already received rave reviews. A dramedy that is most intoxicating.

ACTION/SCI-FI

To serve and protect… that’s the foundation of the Reagan family of police officers in Blue Bloods (pictured). While crime dramas abound, this show ingratiated itself with viewers by merging the perso-nal and professional worlds of one family.

There is no denying that Tom Selleck was a big drawcard, but that isn’t discounting the nimbly written script and the sterling efforts of the supporting cast.

The mystery deepens… in the Canadian TV series, Haven. Loosely based on Stephen King’s book The Colorado King, this story looks at the strange supernatural events that transpire in Haven.

The investigation is lead by Nathan, the new chief of police, and Audrey, a former FBI agent. Simply put, Haven is as captivating and hair-raising as Supernatural and Fringe.

Corruption runs supreme… in Boardwalk Empire. Quality programming abounds in this series (with Steve Buscemi cast as Enoch “Nucky” Thompson, the crooked treasurer of Atlantic County), which is co-executive produced by Martin Scorsese. It is a stylish saga that explores the fraudulent underbelly of the city during the Prohibition era. This critically acclaimed series has been renewed for a third season.

Remakes are on the rise… and sure-fire hits. The two that come to mind are: Hawaii Five-O and Nikita. In the former show, with Alex O’Loughlin cast in the lead role as Steve McGarrett, a former Navy Seal and the Lieutenant Commander of the Five-O task force, he left viewers weak-kneed. And he is a damn brilliant actor too. As for Maggie Q, our renegade agent in Nikita, she is sexy and lethal – a powerful combination. Unlike V, which should have never been resurrected, these remakes have won over fans of the originals as well as a new generation.

You want to sink your teeth… into Vampire Diaries. The Salvatore brothers, Damon and Stefan, may have chalk-and-cheese personalities, but they are a united front… and they happen to be in love with the same woman – Elena. And they are seriously hot! The plot unfailingly leaves viewers on tenterhooks, waiting to see what curve ball the writers will be throwing their way next. The series continues to gain momentum and has left die-hard fans thirsty for the next instalment.

COMEDY

Just your average dysfunctional American family… meander down a rib-tickling path in the Emmy Award-winning show Modern Family. Centred on three interrelated families, the scriptwriters also tackle several ethnic and homosexual stereotypes. The comical situations that arise from the brilliantly written script make this an all-around winner.

In being boys… The Inbetweeners took viewers down memory lane. This BBC comedy was centred on a group of high school friends as they tried to figure out girls, deal with their raging hormones and, at the same time, also focus on getting good grades. The themes were universal and inevitably left viewers in tears with the side-splitting humour as the friends tried to “fit in”.

It’s dark… but you will like it. I am, of course, referring to The Big C with Laura Linney as Catherine “Cathy” Jamison. Diagnosed with terminal cancer, the teacher and mother of a teenager boy refuses to allow it to get the better of her and tackles life with renewed vigour.

Her family aren’t the only ones who notice a change in her… although they find it a bit strange. In taking a rather gloomy subject and mixing it with humour, and a smidgen of irreverence to go with Cathy’s willfulness, they ensured the prognosis was favourable.

So much so it made it to season three.

On the prowl… Courteney Cox had no trouble finding her prey with Cougar Town as the bait. Admittedly, I’m not the biggest fan of this show, but it is critic-proof. Forget How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Cox offers a more laughable side to rusty dating. Recently divorced, she finds it’s a far cry from what she imagined, despite the help of her “girlfriends”.

A men-acing Sheen… caused one of the biggest TV controver-sies this year when his slandering of producer and co-creator Chuck Lorre saw him lose his job. In calling Lorre a “clown and a stupid, stupid little man”, he was subsequently replaced on Two and a Half Men by Ashton Kutcher. Hullabaloo aside, it is still one phenomenal show.

VARIETY SHOWS

The I Am A Relationship Expert, Yet Multiple Divorcee Award goes to all the celebrities who are invited to The Marriage Ref panel. I used to think there was something about this show until Eva Longoria popped up to give her advice to a troubled couple. We may love to love our celebrities, but not to follow whatever they say.

The We Don’t Have Any Holy Cows Here, Everyone Is Fair Game Award goes to Headlines. So Khuli Roberts is notorious for being crude in her interviews, but every time local celebrities see her at events they hope she’ll come their way and she feeds off that. Having Trevor Gumbi take some shots at the subject in question keeps the show fresh. Well done.

The We Are Unique Shows Offering Never-Before-Seen Concepts Award is a draw between Masters of Rhythm, Step Up or Step Out, Jam Alley: Crew vs Crew and Turn it Out. Seriously, why do these shows even exist? SA might have a great dance culture, but these shows fail to capture that, or remain different from each other.

The You Can Have 90 Days Of My Life In Exchange For Booze, Food And A Little Fame Award goes to all the Big Brother entrants. The question is: where are they now? Only one person won the prize money, but even he fell into oblivion as if the whole thing never happened. As for the rest, all they do now is RSVP to events and sip on free booze.

The You Don’t Have To Be Pretty To Impress Us With Your Talent Award goes to The Voice. Forget that the name of the show sounds like that of a newspaper, it is a great concept. Unlike other talent shows where the “total package” is translated to mean “No Ugly Contestants”, The Voice takes away the vanity aspect and replaces it with objectivity. Two thumbs up.

LOCAL

The We’ve Got Jokes For Days Award goes to LOL (pictured). The previous season of this show was a strange one. When M-Net is stran-ded and needs to air something, it is cringe-worthy to see the so-called jokes that were told back then.

So it is a huge relief that Rapulana Seiphemo’s team have greatly improved the quality of the show, making it more relevant to viewers today.

The We’ve Been Telling The Same Story For Yonks, But Still Got You Glued Award goes to Soul City. Some great shows have come and gone, but few, if any, have thrived as long as Soul City has. We are talking 11 incredible seasons and still the story goes on. Well done to all involved and here’s to 11 more.

The Knock Knock Who’s There? Award goes to Opening Guys, a show that brought young, unknown comedians into the limelight, making them household names overnight. Now people such as Tall Ass Mo, Mo Jack and Mpho have a fan base to talk about. The newbies can be seen doing their own solos and also appear in TV ads.

The Don’t Talk To Me, Talk To My Lawyer Award goes to Sokhulu and Partners. These guys make getting in trouble with the law look so cool. With the team doing thorough research on their stories, some of which are based on true events, the content never gets boring.

You have to wonder why the rest of the so-called local crime dramas do not make for viewing as good as this.

The Reality Check Is Long Overdue Award goes to Intersexions. The deep Akin Omotso narration that goes with this programme is the first thing that sends chills down your spine.

The show sets itself apart from others of its ilk because it has a unique way of approaching the much-dreaded subject of HIV/Aids. You will be shaken up for days after watching it.

REALITY

The I Made My Millions Through Selling Fish And Now I Have My Own Reality TV Show Award goes to flamboyant businessman Kenny Kunene’s So What? Honestly, so you blow a couple of hundreds of thou-sands every weekend and some commissioning editor thinks that’s something worth making into a television show? Kunene is the apt definition of New Money and it’s only a matter of time until he starts hanging out with Mandla Thembu in Brokesville.

The Ugly Girls Need Some Loving, Too, Award goes to Diamond in the Ruff. Okay, “ugly” is a harsh word, let’s try “rejects” from other beauty contests. Kudos to the producers of this show because now the girl who is a little short, or little on the plus side, also gets noticed. Some of us never liked those thin gals anyway.

The I Made It And You Can All Follow Me And See How I Live Award goes to Top Shayela (pictured). First, our artists/ celebrities are poor. Let’s just get that out of the way. So for Top Shayela to try and pull an MTV Cribs on us is actually laughable. And, say, for interest’s sake you do have that money, why would you want to show it off? Does that bring investors, or only attract thieves? The funny thing is, once the money is gone the same people do not want the media to touch them.

The We Are Tired Of Being Backing Acts At Gigs Award goes to Running With the Reps. Who, you might ask? Okay, Vuzu had aired a programme about a bunch of dancers who used to back Jozi and various other hip hop artists. The young dancers then cooked up the idea of a reality show where we see their behind-the-scenes lives. Sigh, and sigh again.

The Sister, Sister Act Award goes to Hlelo and Ntando Masina’s Blame It On Fame, which was not a bad idea and not badly executed either. Like it or not, the girls are famous enough to carry off the show’s title. Let’s just hope e.tv does not pull a fast one on the twins and replace them next season.

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DStv highlights - December 15, 2011

December 15 2011 at 08:35am

Independent Newspapers
Business tycoon Kenny Kunene
l Redi on Mzansi, Mzansi Magic, 19.30

Dr Shingai Mutambirwa talks to Redi about men’s sexual health. On the doctor’s couch are sushi king Kenny Kunene, DJ Fresh and actor Sello Maake ka Ncube.

l I Faked My Own Death, Discovery ID, 20.00

Brings viewers first-person accounts from individuals who staged their own deaths. Family and friends, thinking they’d never see their loved ones again, received the shock of their lives when their dearly departed were found alive, months, years and even decades after disappearing. Building secret new lives for themselves, they were desperate not to get caught, but would eventually be forced to admit: “I faked my own death”.

l THS Casey Anthony, E! Entertainment, 22.00

For three years, millions stayed focused on this shocking story – how two-and-a-half-year-old Caylee Anthony went missing for almost a month before it was reported, how her remains were found six months later just blocks from her home, how her mother Casey lied to authorities and seemed to revel in the attention as the prime suspect, the sordid facts revealed during the trial and the verdict so few seem able to accept. Found not guilty of the murder of her daughter, Casey became the most hated woman in the US. But we still don’t know much about who Casey really is.

l My Naked Secret, Discovery TLC, 22.50

Follows individuals hiding an embarrassing secret about their body. With the aid of a therapist, they reveal their painful issue to loved ones, but can they come to terms with their body anxieties? We meet Wendy, who is disgusted by her over-hanging stomach and sagging breasts; Colette, who has a vascular malformation birthmark on her face; Sharon, who has extreme facial hair and Kelly, who has enormous breasts.

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High and lows of a fab party year

December 12 2011 at 11:30am

By Therese Owen

Zoopy

We blinked and 2011 was all but over. This year was a non-stop party from beginning to end with stunning events in many corners of our beautiful country. Here are my highs and lows for the year.

The Michael Jackson Award

Mshoza. Like, what the hell are you thinking, chicky? Apartheid’s over and it is now cool to be black.

Worst Event of 2011

The MTN SA Music Awards (Samas), which were moved from Sun City to a tent in Montecasino. Many of the bigwigs and nominated artists were denied access to the tent and media partner SABC1 was forced to entertain clients in a restaurant and watch the Samas on TV as opposed to the live experience. The stage was too wide, so we had to crane our necks, and the after-parties at the different venues were downright dull – except for the Kalawa party, which was great fun.

Event of the Year

iol tonight 12 dec CW therese.celebs pic pabi moloi

Pabi Maloi won the overall SA Style Awards.

The Metro FM Awards in Mbombela (Nelspruit). Although the show was a tad long, it was tight and imaginative. The awards were given to the right artists and Spikiri winning a Lifetime Achievement Award was the cherry on top. Plus, Mbombela’s surrounds are very beautiful.

Best Venue of 2011

The MTV Base tent at the Durban July rocked. It was a black and white dome that included a chill garden, cool bars, endless food and great entertainment by SA musicians. The stage was moveable and folded out into a dance floor when the DJs played. All the coolest people in the music industry were on the guest list, including AKA, who is my favourite musician to hang with at parties.

Most Imaginative Launch

Winchester Mansions in Sea Point relaunched its four-star hotel status and revamp with exclusive tours of the hotel. The tour included industrial theatre and installations which added to the fun.

Irritant of the Year

Kenny Kunene wins the most irritating person of 2011 award hands down. His queen number at the Feather Awards was unbearable. He was surrounded by cameras and lights, and had a little drag queen running around like his own praise singer. Then there was the silly pink traditional Indian outfit.

Babe of the Year

Cindy Nell became a mother for the first time recently. But she has bounced back with an even better figure than before. She is glowing with happiness.

Coolest Moment At An Event

This is a tie between Pabi Moloi winning the overall SA Style Awards and Spikiri winning the Lifetime Achievement Award at the Metros. Pabi was genuinely surprised and Spikiri was so sweet in his little kwaito way. They are deserved winners.

Most Fun Person To Hang Out With At An Event

Shugasmakx is funny, caring, affectionate and genuinely has a good time at an event.

Best Dressed Celebrity

Anyone dressed by Gert-Johan Coetzee. He is thriving creatively with designs that understand and enhance the beauty of his clients, from Bonang to Cindy Nell.

Worst Dressed Celebrity

Channel O’s Dineo presented the station’s annual awards. But at some stage she thought it was a great idea to wear a pink shiny slacks suit that gathered around her crotch area in a most disturbing way. Oddly enough, it was designed by Gert-Johan.

Most Overexposed Celebrity

A three-way tie between Bonang and the YFM Twinz. Bonang has her own clothing range, a television show, a radio show, a huge Twitter following, is a constant tweeter, has her own internet reality show and is seen at all the right parties with all the right people on all the right social pages. The YFM Twinz are also the darlings of the magazines, have their own reality show about nothing à la The Kardashians, their own radio show, their own...